Precious...

“Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. (Ps 116:15)” I had read that scripture the day before and I was talking with my big brother, Jay. “What do you think he means by that? I mean, I’m sure it’s not literal…right?”

“I think he means ‘Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints,’” he said. My brow furrowed. He went on to express that our death is a great thing in God’s sight…our ways are not His ways.

Since, and before, I’ve read scriptures which say…

  …The day you die is better than the day you are born.
Better to spend your time at funerals than at parties.
    After all, everyone dies—
    so the living should take this to heart.
Sorrow is better than laughter,
    for sadness has a refining influence on us.
A wise person thinks a lot about death,
    while a fool thinks only about having a good time. (Ecc 7:1-4, NLT)

And…

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Is 55:8-9)

It’s been 2 weeks and 3 days since I lost my sweet baby Z, 5 months old. The heartache is indescribable. So here I was this morning, on my knees again; calling out to the One who could, but didn’t, save.

As I began to pour out my heart, sharing and asking, I felt Him rushing in to speak to me once again.

“I want you to understand- I sit in eager anticipation of snatching all of my children out of the fallen world, and bringing them into Paradise with me.”

But what about the pain of those left behind? How could you inflict that upon them…us?

“They are coming to be with me too, one day. That is what I want them to have in their hearts, at all times. I want them to hope constantly in that! It is the beauty and glory of that which makes it all worth it. So, I let them work through the pain, for the sake of what is to come; just as my Son did. They will need to learn to accept the pain. But even in that journey, I have good things for them. I promise. Don’t you know me? Have I not shown myself to be Love?

You hurt and I am there. You cry and I cry with you. What you are struggling to accept and reconcile is ‘How could I let you all go through so much pain?’ But what you’re looking at is only an infinitesimal part of the picture. My precious ones have finally come home!! No more tears. They are in the arms of the One who made them – the One who Loves them. They are safe forever from pain and eternal Death. They have finished the race. The pain of your separation from them is deep, but it is also temporary, and will one day be complete – when you, too, are with Me. In its place will be the eternal, overflowing well of joy which comes from the end of separation from me. And all of you “will never be thirsty again.” That’s the prize. Let the pain you now feel be a reminder of the longing you have to be with Me in Paradise, and the promise that it will come to pass.”

Wow.

I was amazed… inspired even.

I was quieted, having been comforted and Loved by the One who could…

 

AND DID

 

SAVE.

 

Zion Asher Sky Dozier

Rest in Paradise

 

Zion: Meaning of Zion: "highest point"

Asher: Meaning of Asher: "fortunate, blessed, happy one"

Sky

 

Give us this Day our Daily Pizza

Here’s one from last year…

A man yelled at me today for stealing his pennies. As ridiculous as it sounds, it is quite true. My wonderful husband and I were at Costco, taking advantage of their oversized and underpriced pizza. The woman who was helping me answered a phone call just after taking my money and handing me my food, so in my mind I was good to go. I left the line carrying our food and drinks, but forgot about the small amount of change I should be receiving. A nice man in line came running after me to tell me, so I went back, grabbed the coins that were sitting on the counter and then walked away. “HEY! Those are my pennies!!!” The man in the front of the line yelled. It was such an outburst, I honestly thought he was joking. I looked at him slightly bewildered but still in a haze of confusion, and then looked at the woman who had helped me and had obviously asked someone to call me back to come get my change. The angry man was still looking at me and saying something that went over my head as I reached out to put the coins down. I apologized a few times but he was beside himself and was not having it. It was a baffling display of emotion…all over about 8 cents. The woman who had helped me reached out and gave me my change from behind the counter. Then it began to make sense. She hadn’t put it out there yet, and I had assumed the man’s partial payment of 8 cents was the change she sent after me for. I was stunned, hurt, embarrassed and a bit angry myself. I passive-aggressively told the man “I hope you have a better day,” and left with my 37 cents or whatever it was. He never softened up…not that I loved him through it or gave him a reason to. I didn’t handle that one as well as I would’ve liked. As I walked back to my table, I remembered a quote by Socrates I recently heard, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

My Grandpa Jack died on Saturday morning. He is someone who brought so much love and laughter into my life. He was a total crack-up and always so much fun. He’s had Parkinson’s disease for a while now, and the last few years have brought their share of pain his way. Even then, he would light-heartedly tell me about the physical pains he had, and the hallucinations that sometimes came. But he wasn’t complaining. He kept a smile on his face, even as I saw his body deteriorating. In the end, he had pneumonia and kidney failure which led to everything shutting down. He died two months before his 59^th wedding anniversary with my sweet Grandma Dee. So that’s my battle right now.

 

As I walked away from Mr. Those are my Pennies!, I thought- I wish he knew he just yelled at someone who is heartbroken… and all over a few pennies. I was going over in my head what I wished I would’ve said to make him feel embarrassed or remorseful, and then it hit me. If he got that upset over a few pennies, he must be hurting over something himself. What battle could he be fighting? I felt the remorse come over my heart about getting so mad at him that I let my mouth speak words that were far from “useful for building others up.” I felt ashamed.

Loss is a really hard thing. The difficult moments come out of nowhere, and then there are times when you think you should be feeling something and you’re just numb. I found out last Wednesday that Grandpa Jack was hospitalized and only had a few days to live. I grieved so much that night that it was as though I had already lost him. Three days later when I was told he had died, I had no tears. I had been waiting for that call. Then today, talking to my Grandma Dee and hearing her pain, it came washing over me like a flood that wouldn’t be contained. I knew I needed to pray but strongly felt like I wanted to lie down and rest (it would only be an hour before my precious toddler woke from her nap and needed me to be fully engaged with her). I went to my bed and got under the covers. I began to speak to God, as the daddy I really needed Him to be for me. He ushered the words of Psalm 23 into my head.

 

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul…

I thought about God likening me to a sheep, which is a little funny, a lot humbling, and just the right amount of pressure-relieving. And then I thought about how I could have any shepherd in the whole world, and He decided to take on the assignment. He chose to be my God! The Psalmist says “I shall not be in want.” I thought about how much my heart was hurting, for my loss, for Grandma Dee and for all those Grandpa Jack left behind; and I thought about that verse…that we shall not be in want. I knew in that moment – God will heal our hearts, in due time. “He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters...” My bedroom is not green pastures and quiet waters, but it must be the closest thing to it – fluffy pillows and a cozy homemade quilt (not by me!) on the bed, the scent of lavender in the air and warm woodsy colors all around. God sent me there to rest when I truly needed it, so that I could later make it through the rest of my day. And then my favorite, “He restores my soul.” That sealed the deal. That was what I needed. I felt drained from the sadness and the tears. I needed Soul Restoration, but couldn’t have put it into words before my Daddy whispered His Words into my heart as I lay in my own personal green pasture. The tears that had been pouring onto my pillow as I prayed slowly subsided and my heart welcomed the peace that tenderly began to pervade it.

I read today, in a life-changing book called The Circle Maker, that we should desire “just enough” from God. As the miracle of manna showed, God wants to give us just enough so that we won’t have too much or too little. With too much, we don’t look to Him to meet our needs. With too little, our needs are not met. But with just enough, we know which direction we need to turn: not inward, not outward, but upward. Even in the times of deep pain and sadness, turning to God, we will get just enough to make it through. God knows this and loves this. I am coming to love this principle as well. As I mature spiritually, and stop trying to fight for a life full of days where things go my way, I am learning to lean more towards desiring days where God sees me through whatever comes; days where I do not look for tasks that match up to my strength, but where I ask for God to give me strength that will match up to the tasks He sees fit to give for that day*.

Just as Jesus prayed “Give us each day our daily bread,” I want to make it my consistent petition. Whether I am facing sadness, pain, anxiety, an overwhelmed heart, fear, exhaustion- anything that I can face in my day as a disciple, wife and mom- this is a key that can sustain me throughout. Father, please give me each day, my daily bread; be it comfort, healing, energy, companionship, rest or anything else I need.

“And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:20

 

*I discovered this idea in the book, Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World.

Here’s Grandma Dee with my son, Linc, just after he was born.

 

Simple Pleasures and Christmas Treasures

So now that my daughter’s 2 years old, I get to start doing really fun stuff with her during the holidays. I was blissfully enjoying a cup of Peets coffee with Coffee-mate’s smooth and delicious Pumpkin Spice Creamer the other day when a thought popped into my head. The bright red top kinda looks like a Santa hat. I bet you could make a cute Santa Claus out of that creamer bottle; and an idea was born.

As I’ve been trying to find interesting, engaging activities for Mariah and me lately, I felt inspired to take on this creative Mt. Everest. Ok, so it’s really more like going over Beverly Glen...in traffic. But anyway, we set out to go for it. Mariah was able to help paint and pull the cotton balls apart. It turned out so cute, I thought I’d share it with you. If you’re looking for something to do and you have some crafty things lying around, you can do this without making any purchases – which is my favorite way to go!! It’ll either produce a cute inexpensive piece to add to your Christmas decoration collection, or it’ll provide some laughter and something to do with your munchkin, on a date night or roomie-time.

Here’s what I used:

·         Coffee-mate Creamer bottle (washed and dried inside and out)

·         Hot Glue Gun (Perhaps regular glue would work, too)

·         Acrylic Paints: red & skin color (beige, brown- whatever your pleasure)

·         Pens: blue & black (Eyes)

·         Play-Doh: red, white and a touch of yellow (Nose)

·         Felt: White and brown (Hat & Coat trimmings plus belt)

·         Cotton Balls (hair/beard & tip of hat)

·         A small square of gold cardstock (Belt Buckle)

Here’s what I did:

1.      Paint the bottle with red paint. Going back, I would probably have removed the label, which shows through mine, even after 3 layers of red paint. Leave the top part down to the neck of the bottle unpainted. Once your red paint dries, paint the neck and above whatever color you want Santa’s face to be. I mixed white with a small amount of red and yellow-brown to make beige. Don’t worry about having a perfectly smooth line, because it’ll be covered by the cotton balls.

 

2.      Cut felt: 2 thin white strips for the coat, 1 thick white strip for the hat and one brown or black strip for the belt.

3.      Make the Play-Doh nose: I mixed white, red and a tiny bit of yellow to make a nose slightly smaller than a pea. I kept it in the Play-Doh container until I was ready to affix it to keep it soft, in case any size adjustments were necessary.

4.      Place hot glue onto a thin white felt strip and glue it down Santa’s middle from neck to foot. Take the second thin white strip and glue it around the bottom, lining up the ends in the front center. Position the belt where you want it and glue it around. I made mine an inch longer than the bottle so that I could feed the gold square through the belt and have a little extra hanging off. Make 2 slices in the gold square for feeding the belt strip through. Glue the overhang to keep the gold square on.

5.      Glue 1-2 cotton balls, stretched out, as hair to cover the back of Santa’s head. Slice a few more cotton balls into about 5 strips each. You’ll end up with cylinders about ¼ inch thick. Glue one at a time to form his beard. Glue on a small thin strip for the moustache (leaving a little room below for the mouth area). Draw eyes (I used a thin black Sharpie and then a blue paint pen). Glue the cotton ball eyebrows on. Glue a small piece onto the tip of the hat.

6.      Hot glue the nose right on top of the moustache. Finally, glue the thick strip of white felt around the top, so that it rests over the top of the eyebrows and covers the top of the hair.

 

And you’re done – Santa Claus is coming to town!!! If you want, you can even refill Santa with your favorite creamer for any Christmas gatherings you have coming up. Tip his hat, and Enjoy!

If you do make a Santa creamer and want to share it, please email me a pic at wjhappened@yahoo.com. If you want me to post it, include that in your email too!

 

 

Hang in there, Mama!

It’s 6:16am. I’ve been up since 5 and – WHOA! My little Lincoln, 6 months old, got a helmet for his brachycephaly, aka flat-in-the-back head. He wears it all day and night, and it heats him up because it covers most of his head. His struggle with it hits the hardest at night. For the past 3 weeks, he’s woken up between 1 and 4am almost every night. I’ve tried everything from feeding him, holding him, comforting, the pacifier, cooler pjs- you name it! I’ve gone up and down with acceptance, frustration, despair, concern, expectance and anxiety. He and Mariah share a room- at least, shared a room up until this point. But she got sick and the consistent middle of the night screamfest wasn’t too conducive to her getting the rest she needed to get well. So now, Linc is sleeping in the living room. Now you’re caught up…

As I said, it’s after 6 and here I am, writing to keep (or get?) my mind and heart focused in a good way…away from the wonderment of all of this. I’ve been hearing a lot lately about the way the mind works. So I know that if I can get my mind actively thinking and working, it will drain the energy and power from the emotional surge that is threatening to overtake me and set a gloomy cloud over my day. Praise God for smart people who are willing to share their knowledge, ha!

So here I go putting my brain energy into something productive…

Yesterday, I needed to go to Target. This simple statement can bring up different feelings, depending on your stage of life. When I was single, there was one summer where I actually went to Target a few times a week with my friends. It seemed there was always something wonderful to see, buy and return…again and again. Then, they started putting in Starbucks – could there be any better combination?!?!? Target was freedom and fun! Then, when I got married, it was still that place that seemed to have everything, but I needed to be on my guard and try to stick to my list, otherwise I might quickly deplete my – I mean our bank account. After having Mariah (at which point my car promptly decided to die), going to Target was a 20 minute walk in the stroller and an excuse to get out of the house. I would seldom buy anything that wouldn’t fit under the stroller. Now, having 2 kids (and a car again – yay!), going to Target means packing up 2 munchkins, making sure it is well-timed between going potty and eating or drinking. It also means carrying them up and down stairs, not to mention whatever lovely purchases I happened to make.

So…as I said, yesterday, I needed to go to Target; 2 kids, both having had their milk, and pottytime done. I had a short list. I got great parking and found a basket nearby. I was pretty happy with how things were going…until…Why do I always pick the worst lines?!? I got in a line that didn’t move. The checker, a super-friendly young guy, was making pleasant conversation with the couple who was taking serious time making some sort of 12-step purchase. I think they were paying with different methods or something. I don’t know what was going on, but there were some foreign phrases popping up on the register. There were still 2 people between me and them. After 5 minutes of not moving, I lost my patience. L I moved quickly to another line, which I had passed up 5 minutes before. That line was now not moving and another friendly checker was calmly, slowly ringing up the woman in front of the woman in front of me. Ugh!! Don’t they know people are waiting here?!? Gosh, looking back, I can’t believe the state I was in. It’s funny to me: when people are rude, I get upset and wonder about the state of the world. But when I’m in a hurry, I get impatient and annoyed that people are being so nice as to take such time with customers. Goodness, gracious- people can’t win! Sorry, God. Anyway, the checker in the next line moved into position. I asked if she was opening and she said she was. I moved yet again, she rang me up and I was good to go. As we made for the door, it all hit me. I was being impatient because I was anxious about my kids. Linc was about 20 minutes past naptime after a looooong morning of being up since 4:45, and Mariah needed to eat breakfast. Then I started feeling inadequate because everything had taken so long and doubting my judgment to go to Target at this time in the first place. Yaddah yaddah yaddah. Trap set, pitfall taken.

The Bible says in Psalm 22:3 (King James Version), “But thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel.” I have heard this many times- God inhabits the praises of His people. So I decided that to get out of the trap, I would sing. I opened my mouth and made up a little tune: “Patience is a virtue. So pray, Mama pray, Mama pra-ay-ay!” God spoke through my sweet little daughter, who smiled and said, “Again?” I sang it again. She asked again. And again…literally until we were halfway home. Now it was my turn to smile. My impatience had gone away, as God softened my heart. He was there. I sang, He came.

I can get so twisted up in a matter of seconds. Things didn’t go the way I’d planned, or something unexpected came up and I didn’t perfectly adapt. But when I am willing to stop and see that I’ve really gone off track in my heart and mind, that’s when I get the choice to press the Restart Button. That’s when I can look to God for help, and know that He will give it. That’s when I can cry out to Him, in song, or with tears…or both. It’s hard sometimes, getting through the minutiae of life and keeping the important things in focus.

“Blessed are those whose help is God,
    whose hope is in the Lord their God.

He is the Maker of heaven and earth,
    the sea, and everything in them—
    he remains faithful forever.”

Psalm 146:5-6

So as you go through your day today, remember that the One who created the very world you are trying so hard to make an impact in is on your side. He will be your help if you make Him your hope. And He remains faithful forever.

Hang in there, Mama!!!

 

 

Here's Mariah at 20 months, ever the reminder and inspiration to me.

 

 

 

 

The Sweet Spot

Here's another one from my file...

Do you ever have those moments? Those perfect moments where everything’s set up, just right? Where, even though perhaps you had a long night, you’ve got your day (or afternoon) set up to be the opposite? Let’s say, theoretically speaking, you and some friends drove a few hours to encourage a group of teenagers at a church camp and help lead a worship service. Let’s say you and said friends leave the camp after midnight, only to get a flat tire less than 10 minutes into driving down the mountain in the dead of night. Let’s continue the tale with arriving home at 3am in dire need of a shower and finally crawling into bed just before 4am only to toss and turn for the 4 hours until it’s time to get up and nurse your 3-month old son. This is all hypothetical, of course. You know can make it through, because you can take a 2-hour nap after nursing, and before driving to pick up your toddler, who got the pleasure of being spoiled for the night with her grandparents. But – and here’s where the gold comes in – when 1:30 hits, both kids go down for a looooong nap!! Amazing grace, how sweet the sound!!!

So, come what may, you set out to make it through the day. You choose to have a good attitude about the morning “nap” going by without much rest. You get through lunch and get both kids down, with amazing prowess, I might add. You bear through the first 15 minutes of crying as the 3-month old, adjusting to napping in the new crib, makes his protest known. You celebrate the wonderful self-control of your just-shy-of-two year old, as she stays in bed, enduring baby brother’s cries. Even subsequent cries from baby are tolerable to you, as you know you are about to get two hours of uninterrupted sleep – a precious commodity in this world of motherhood! You eat your lunch, keeping the lights dim so as to usher in the impending state of sweet sleep. You keep your mind free of the many thoughts that try to come in and command your focus. You finally make your way to your delicious bed, which has been beckoning ever since you parted with it this morning. As you lay your head on the soft pillow, you enter the perfect moment…the sweet spot! Hallelujah!!

But soft, what sound through yonder bedroom door breaks? Five minutes into your siesta, the unexpected happens. You try to ignore the sound that is penetrating your long-awaited dreamland. It’s not the sound of your infant’s cries, but your toddler’s! Turning on the monitor, yet still trying to deny what, in your heart you know is true, you see her in bed crying. Somehow, she’s picked up a cold overnight and is lying in bed runny nose and all…not sleeping. Not providing the peace and calm that she…or baby brother…or YOU need in order to get some rest around here!!! Whoa…was that me? So, you see…this was no sweet spot at all.

“Expect the unexpected.” This is what we’re studying at church right now. So it’s only fair that I give God some serious credit for being thoughtful and merciful enough on me, that He designed a whole series of sermons at this very time in my life where so much of the unexpected is experienced.

To me, the sweet spot in life is when things work out the way I plan them; or when people are really nice to me; or even when my kids do all of the things I want and stay on the schedule I design. Clearly, this type of relationship to things sets me up for lots of failure. One day, I’ll learn, tehe. Anyway, I let go of the plan, as it were. I got my daughter up out of bed, cleaned her sweet little face; and let go of the fact that she had clearly woken up the sleeping little baby who, even as I type, is fighting to try to get back to sleep. But that’s life, right?

I learned a phrase a few years ago. “There’s nothing wrong here.” It’s really a life-saving phrase if you can truly apply it. I’m still working on it, as you can see. But, choosing to let go of my plan today ended up opening doors for me that wouldn’t have been traversed if I’d instead chosen to lay in bed and be bitter…err… stay bitter. There’s nothing wrong here. It’s just different than I expected. I got to spend time comforting my sweet baby girl, who is just not feeling well. I got to pour my heart out (and my stress) by writing this down. And I got to move one step closer to the life that God has designed for me: to be willing to deny myself for the benefit of others.

In the Bible, Jesus says, “I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.” John 12:24-26

WOW! This is such cool stuff! Much bigger and longer-lasting than a great nap is having the kind of character I deeply desire to have. And I am learning that these are the moments in which that character is forged. I am the kernel of wheat. My desires and imagined sweet spots are the kernels of wheat. As I can learn and grow, allowing God to pluck those kernels and let them die, the seeds that are produced are service of others, placing the needs of others above my own and moments of truly expressed love- not just in word, but in action. These are the things I long to do, and to be known for doing. Yes, I may be going into the rest of my evening with less energy. But my daughter is loved. I have the satisfaction of knowing I chose someone else’s needs above my own. And…wait for it…my son is actually sleeping!!!

Wow, that was unexpected…

Don’t throw the baby out…with the toilet water!

Don’t throw the baby out…with the toilet water!

I dropped my daughter in the toilet today. Don’t judge! But please…feel free to laugh. How could a loving mother do such a thing, you may be wondering? Well, join the club! I have spent many an hour wondering about the things I have done. J
I was at my dad’s house for the day with my 2 year-old daughter, Mariah, and Lincoln, my 6 month-old son. I was there all day because my son’s helmet was getting decorated.

As I’m still potty training, I pretty much drop everything if Mariah says she needs to go potty. On this particular morning, I was doing laundry and spending time with my stepmother. Mariah had said “I have to go caca,” about 10 times in the period of an hour. Each time, I dropped everything and ran to the toilet to put her on. Nothing would happen, so I’d go back to my business since she hadn’t done hers. When I started nursing my son and she had the scare, I put him down and did the same routine with her, but to no avail. So, when she said it again 4 minutes later, I decided, I’m not going to put him down because she’s not going to go! And I was right…about part of that…

I, thinking I was a pretty smart supermom, held my nursing son in one hand and balanced him on my knee. I pulled down her pants with one hand, and then hoisted her onto the toilet. It’s always those moments when you stop to applaud yourself that things go terribly wrong. So there I was: juggling two babies and thinking I had beat the system, when something unexpected happened. Mariah thought she’d be a little more comfortable if she just scooted back a few inches…and PLOP!!! Into the toilet she dropped! Now, it was certainly time to put Lincoln down. She was stunned, sad, a little afraid and wet! I swooped her up quickly and peeled her dripping t-shirt up over her head, trying not to get any more water on her than was already there. L The poor dear was crying, and while trying to validate her feelings and minimize the impact by showing a light heart, I got her back onto sturdy ground. My sweet girl said over and over again “I want to take a shower. I want to take a shower.” I know it’s probably bad form, but I was totally fighting back laughter.

Was it worth it to take the shortcut? Absolutely not. I do feel bad for having dropped my daughter in the toilet. And some friends of mine will never let me live that down. Also, if you know me, my sister or my mom, you know this is a worst nightmare kind of a situation. But all in all, I do feel that the lesson was worth learning.
As a new mom (I will probably call myself a new mom all the way up until my kids graduate high school), I think this experience was tailor made for me by God. We moms have so many tasks to accomplish throughout the day and so many interruptions and detours that we are constantly trying to find a groove. So if we can multi-task and knock a few things out, then we feel we have hit gold. But there’s got to be a balance between accomplishing the things on my list, and having the patience to either stop when I need to, or go at my kids’ pace. I lack so many things, and today, this was one.

“We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.” Colossians 1:9-12

I love how there is a scripture (or two…or ten) for everything I go through. This one is so cool because it helps me connect with the idea that everything is spiritual. When I go through all of the tasks of my day, it can feel mundane and draining. I mean, let’s face it- most of what I do today must be done all over again tomorrow…and the next day. But this scripture reminds me that I am being strengthened by God, according to His power so that I may have great endurance and patience. I so deeply need both of those when going about my day!

One of my Big Sister Mamas always says, “It’s not about what you can get done. It’s about what you can get done and remain spiritually minded.” Well, I think we can all look back at my morning and make the call easily. But when we’re in the thick of our own daily struggles, large or small, that’s when the rubber meets the road. It’s hard to stop and be patient when you know that you can squeeze out a few things on your list if you just cut a corner or skip over a step. But where patience is present, everyone wins.

So, the next time you are trying do 3 things at once, remember to stop and think before something goes terribly (or humorously) wrong: is it imperative that I do all of this at the same time, or is there some way I can slow down? A lot of times we can have such a great heart to get our job done, that we can miss out on a God-given opportunity to slow down a bit, which we so often need.

So to you, mama, sister, friend… slow down and allow God, Himself, to build you up!

Memoirs of a Potty Training Mama

Here's another one from my archives...comprised of a few different days of writing. This one's a bit long and really only applies to anyone who wants to hear about potty training. This one was a doozy!!

Memoirs of a Potty Training Mama

My sweet baby girl, about to turn 2 this Saturday, is kissing diapers good-bye. I’m only on the 2^nd day of this interesting roller coaster, but, from what I’ve experienced in the last 36 hours, I can tell this is something I gotta keep a record of for my own benefit and for some other poor, sweet mamas out there. So, here goes…

Day 1: I woke up – excited, anxious and resolved to begin. I had told Mariah the day before that she’s “not going to wear diapers anymore, but she’s going to go peepee on the potty. Yay!” I’d purchased the teeniest panties out there and had them all washed and raring to go. I’d gotten lots of advice from one of my Big Sister Mamas (every girl needs them in her life) and had chosen this day to begin. I’ll list her tips (and mine) at the bottom in case any of you want to choose the same route I did. Anyway, I thought I was prepared for what I’d be up against but that was kind of a pipe dream. By noon, she had already wet 6 pairs of panties, and had only been up since 8am! I had cleaned up, stepped in (and crawled in) more pee than I’d known could come out of her sweet little productive body. I’d gotten pee dripping down my leg from carrying her to the potty, on my shorts from sitting her on my leg only to discover yet another accident, and on my socks (it was only after lunch that I realized slippers were in order). As you can imagine, I was frustrated, sad, doubtful, confused, exhausted, discouraged, and…did I say frustrated? I was lucky enough to have the very BSM who’d given me the advice at my house for a few hours that day. She saved my life!!! But even with her there, all of those feelings still felt like more than I could bear. I learned that I needed to redefine the “win.” My expectations/goals for that day changed to:

(a)   her becoming uncomfortable with peeing in her panties (she would get a worried/sad look on her face and come running to me when it happened) 

(b)   lots of pee on the floor (that way, I was not surprised and frustrated when it happened) 

(c)    her getting familiar with being on the potty

For this day, and the next few, I learned that she’s just beginning to know what it feels like before you have to go pee, what it feels like to actually go pee into the potty and how to control her muscles so she can hold it or let it go. Another hot tip was that I wash out her panties in hot water in the sink. That helped a ton since I don’t have a washer/dryer and I would’ve needed about 20 pair of underwear that first day. The second half of Day 1 was a bit less stressful, but still exhausting, confusing and difficult. God, in His infinite wisdom and love, led me to a perfect scripture:

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Day 2: I woke up with very different expectations. I sensed that my mindset would make a huuuuge difference in my day. After reading all of 2 Corinthians 4, I prayed and was ready. God helped me to think about and connect with what is most important: love. I want Mariah to feel loved by me during this whole process. If she gets the potty training thing down quickly, but feels pressured and sad, it’s not worth it. But, if it takes a few weeks to get it down and she has fun learning, that’s a great gift I can give her!! My mom always made learning fun. That meant so much to me, and I’ll never forget that. Well, I’m happy to tell you that the difference between Days 1 & 2 was unbelievable!! We had so much fun, dancing, laughing, peeing and cleaning it up. My expectations for that day were the same as the day before. I also kept trying to get her to practice sitting on the potty (whether she had to go or not) and just say (whether she had to or not) “I have to go potty!” There was a great youtube clip that helped with this. Just type those words and you’ll find it. On this day, she pooped on the potty for the first time. She showed a lot of anxiety when it came to this. She was already sitting on the potty and she kept saying she needed to caca. She was nervous and I kept saying “you can do it,” just to help her calm down. Eventually she went. I celebrated a bunch and sang and danced. We cleaned her up and got her treat at which point she promptly peed all over her bedroom floor. I think she didn’t know how to do both in the potty at the same sitting. I fell for this one on Day 3 as well. Today is Day 4, so hopefully I’ll be able to help her with this if it comes up (or comes out) again. J

This was taken after she pooped. She felt free as a bird!!

Day 3: I prayed about my expectations and tried to set them in a good place. She had gone 2 days without going potty in her bed during nap and overnight. It was amazing and unexpected! Anyway, I was feeling hopeful since I had my friends praying, and kept sharing my heart about the process as it happened. However, about midday, I felt the frustration coming back. She did the poop and pee/ding-dong-ditch thing and I was baffled. Plus I was feeling like she should be getting more of a hold (no pun intended) on her bladder control. I was just plain wrong!

When she went down for her nap, I had some more time with God. He listened to my cry (literally) and heard my heart out. I needed to share everything I was feeling. Then He calmed the storms inside. He helped me to see that if I knew exactly all that would happen, and how long it would take for her to get potty trained, I would be more at peace and wouldn’t struggle with hope. ”But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” Romans 8:24-25

That helped me to decide to put my trust in Him- that though I don’t know the how or when, I trust Him to bring it. EVERYTHING IS SPIRITUAL. This is my motto of life. Though potty training seems like some important part of child-rearing and parent training, it’s much heavier on the parent training part than I knew. I don’t always trust God. And when I don’t, I’m consumed with fear, anxiety and hopelessness. But when I choose to believe Him and believe in Him, peace overtakes the storm. He also helped me to reset my expectations and remind myself that Mariah feeling loved by me was most important. I reread my 2 Corinthians 4 scripture and was ready to be in the fight again. The rest of the day felt like cake!!!

Day 4: About midday today, I had a turning point moment with God. As she was still having multiple accidents throughout the day, I had to get deeply honest and assess what I was doing. For the first time, I had to really think about the possibility that she may not be ready. I didn’t want to face this before, as I was ready. But as God walked me through my heart about it, I was able to let go. Why do you want her potty trained? I think she’s ready, I don’t want to buy so many diapers, and I’d love for her to move to this next stage of life. Do you want that even if she’s not ready? Oh…well…no. I don’t want to push her in a way that is hurtful just so I can get what I want. OK, then. Keep riding out the week you committed to potty training and you’ll know then. I realized I do love my daughter so much. And I know there will be many times in life where I will have to be willing to humbly assess whether what I am leading her to do is for her benefit or for mine. This was the first time God so clearly led me through one of them. I’m happy that this time, I listened to Him, and I pray that that will be my choice in the future.

* * *

Day 24: We are in the Promised Land!! Tehe…it doesn’t mean there are no accidents. I’m going to consider that we’re in potty training for at least the next few months. But, now she hardly ever has an accident, and if she does, it’s because I forgot to take her to the potty for more than an hour. So she gets it – hooray!!! In the words of Commander Peter Quincy Taggart (Galaxy Quest), “Never give up- never surrender!!”

Potty Training Tips from my BSM and mine added:

• Pick a week where you have nothing going on and plan to not leave the house. This means the meals are planned (I planned super easy ones that week) and the food is in the fridge (this includes a fun treat such as chocolate teddy grahams, flavored mini-rice cakes or fruit snacks for potty rewards; I also did extra special treats for pooping on the potty since that was such a hard thing for her). Prep your sweetie a few days before that “We’re not going to wear diapers anymore, we’re going to go peepee in the potty. Yaaaay!” I kept saying this to build up excitement! I also made a big deal of setting up the potty and let her pick out Dora and Elmo diapers. 12 is a good amount to start with, but you can do with less if you like.
• The first morning, throw away her diaper and have her say “Bye-Bye Diapers!” Put panties on; give her milk and then sit her on the potty 15-20 minutes after she finishes it (time varies). If she goes, she gets a reward. If not, try again 5-10 minutes later.
• If she goes in the potty- reward. If she goes in her panties, tell her very sweetly and without condemnation or frustration, “We don’t go peepee on Dora, yucky!” Have her clean herself with a wet wipe and sit on the potty to get it all out (this is often 2-5 minutes in the beginning). Then have her clean up the peepee on the floor wherever it landed. Of course you’ll have to finish the job.
• Give her liquids so that she gets lots of times to practice. However, avoid giving her food or drink within 2 hours (if you can) of going to bed. For me, it looked like this.
• 8:30 – milk
• 9:30 – breakfast
• 12 – milk & lunch
• 2 – naptime
• 5:30 – dinner and milk
• 7:15 – bedtime
• The first 2 days, it seemed she would pee a little every 15 minutes or so. I would often sit her on the potty for 5 minutes and after she got off, I’d set the timer for 10-15 minutes. Then we’d go again. She didn’t like it and would sometimes whine or cry. I’d just reassure her and tell her “let’s practice, you can do it!” I’d make a big deal every time she went and make no issue if she didn’t go.
• Don’t be afraid to text friends all throughout the process; ask for prayer and confess any sins or frustrations. PRAY A LOT!
• Ask someone to be there with you for a few hours on the first day, for moral support
• Write down the times your munchkin eats, drinks, pees & poops for the 1^st three days. It’ll really help you with planning when to put him/her on the seat in the future.
• Get books from the library in the weeks leading up and watch lots of youtube clips and TV clips about pottying (Daniel Tiger, Elmo; Youtube: “Go Potty Go,” “I Have to go Potty” etc). I filled the potty training days with watching these things to keep it fresh on her mind.
• Make sure you have lots of fun together playing, dancing etc (and avoid doing anything that takes all of your focus away for long periods of time). I had many moments of dropping everything and running her to the potty.
• Set your expectations at cleaning up tons of pee (and poop) for a week. If s/he gets it faster, you’ll be pleasantly surprised! Don’t be afraid to throw away pooped-in underpants.
• I expected one week of potty training. I would encourage any potty training parent to think of it as 2 full weeks of boot camp training. After that, accidents will probably be few and far between.

If you’re about to embark on this journey, be encouraged. It’s exciting on the other side… You and your little one CAN DO IT!!!

Yoga at 3am, anyone?

So, as I said, this idea started a while ago. I'll sometimes post things that I wrote months ago and saved for a rainy day. Here's one now. This one caught my eye as it happened to be 3am when I got up to be with my sweet, sick little boy. Cold season...yuck!
 

Yoga at 3am, anyone?

Who does yoga at 3am, you may be wondering. Well, as far as I knew, it was about to be me. This morning, as I woke for probably the 8^th time over the course of the night due to back aches, hip aches and having to go to the bathroom, I kept thinking- “This is it. I won’t be able to fall asleep again, I know it!” It’s been one more sleep-interrupted night in a stretch I can’t even keep up with. I’ve tried an inestimable amount of strategies: coaxing myself to sleep, which only gets my mind going and wakes me up completely; counting backwards from 10 over and over again; switching sides to get more “comfortable;” and eventually getting up around 3 or 4am to have a quiet time, read a book, check emails or write.

So, when I woke this morning, I was sure it was about 3am and I was going to have to do some yoga to get the aches out of my tired body. I thought, “OK, God- I know You know what you’re doing, and I know I need to have a good heart about this, but Jeeparonis!! This is hard!!!” So when I rolled out of bed, trying not to wake up my wonderful husband, I made my way for the kitchen clock only to find out it was 6:15. I was elated!!! This has been the most I’ve been able to sleep in I don’t know how long.

I happily made my pot of decaf Earl Grey and got ready for my quiet time by the window. It’s funny how perspective can change everything. I was reading a while ago about Mary’s response to the angel, Gabriel, when he told her she would give birth to Jesus. “’I am the Lord’s servant,’ Mary answered. ‘May it be to me as you have said.’” Luke 1:38

Also, in Matthew 20, Jesus responds to the request of James & John’s dear, well-meaning mother for them to sit at his right and left in His Kingdom. He answers her, “I have no right to say who will sit on my right or my left. My Father has prepared those places for the ones he has chosen.” Mt 20:23

Well, between these two verses, I really get that I am God’s servant. What God has declared for me is what I want to learn to get my heart behind, no matter what the cost. And also, this powerful realization: if Jesus had no rights, far be it for me to hold such entitlement in my heart.

And this has been a key for me; a turning point, if you will (and I will!). Now 5 and ½ months into my pregnancy, I’ve been struggling with my sleep for most of that time. In the beginning, I was sad and angry that I was losing so much sleep, but still expected to rise to all of the challenges of the day, including raising a 1 year old. I got lots of help from wonderful moms in my life; specifically, a sweet group of women who helped me with the perspective game. With loss of sleep, God was preparing me for the sleepless nights ahead after the baby would be born. J Also, and most convicting, was that sleep was an idol for me. I had the perspective that if I just got enough sleep, I could handle my life. But that revealed my reliance on sleep, rather than my reliance on God to sustain me. It was a hard truth, but I knew it had merit.

God added the above scriptures to the mix, and I can honestly say that my heart has changed immensely with regards to how much sleep I have had by the time I wake up. So, a few tips for you, my sweet sister, if you’re going through sleepless nights:

• Practice saying “I am the Lord’s servant. May it be to me as He has said.” This is ammunition that can help your heart to catch up with your actions when God’s plan is (painfully) different from your own. If He has said “Less sleep for my daughter right now,” then so be it. Trust Him and His plan. He’s got you.
• On busy days following sleepless nights, ask God to help you to look to Him to sustain you. Pray often!
• On light days following sleepless nights, nap as much as you can!! Pray with gratitude when you wake!
• If you can’t sleep, try doing things that feed your intimacy with God, such as praying, journaling, reading the Bible or spiritual books. Also, things that help you to be grateful or excited about welcoming your baby are good options. You can share this time with God too. You can keep a journal of notes to or prayers for your unborn baby, work on the nursery, or read parenting books.
• Pray outside of the sleepless night moments that God would help you to trust His plan for you and that He would see you through. Remember, this is only for a time. The gift you are awaiting is God’s blessing and reward to you and your husband.

“Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him.” Psalm 127:3

Here is my sweet heritage: