Hang in there, Mama!

It’s 6:16am. I’ve been up since 5 and – WHOA! My little Lincoln, 6 months old, got a helmet for his brachycephaly, aka flat-in-the-back head. He wears it all day and night, and it heats him up because it covers most of his head. His struggle with it hits the hardest at night. For the past 3 weeks, he’s woken up between 1 and 4am almost every night. I’ve tried everything from feeding him, holding him, comforting, the pacifier, cooler pjs- you name it! I’ve gone up and down with acceptance, frustration, despair, concern, expectance and anxiety. He and Mariah share a room- at least, shared a room up until this point. But she got sick and the consistent middle of the night screamfest wasn’t too conducive to her getting the rest she needed to get well. So now, Linc is sleeping in the living room. Now you’re caught up…

As I said, it’s after 6 and here I am, writing to keep (or get?) my mind and heart focused in a good way…away from the wonderment of all of this. I’ve been hearing a lot lately about the way the mind works. So I know that if I can get my mind actively thinking and working, it will drain the energy and power from the emotional surge that is threatening to overtake me and set a gloomy cloud over my day. Praise God for smart people who are willing to share their knowledge, ha!

So here I go putting my brain energy into something productive…

Yesterday, I needed to go to Target. This simple statement can bring up different feelings, depending on your stage of life. When I was single, there was one summer where I actually went to Target a few times a week with my friends. It seemed there was always something wonderful to see, buy and return…again and again. Then, they started putting in Starbucks – could there be any better combination?!?!? Target was freedom and fun! Then, when I got married, it was still that place that seemed to have everything, but I needed to be on my guard and try to stick to my list, otherwise I might quickly deplete my – I mean our bank account. After having Mariah (at which point my car promptly decided to die), going to Target was a 20 minute walk in the stroller and an excuse to get out of the house. I would seldom buy anything that wouldn’t fit under the stroller. Now, having 2 kids (and a car again – yay!), going to Target means packing up 2 munchkins, making sure it is well-timed between going potty and eating or drinking. It also means carrying them up and down stairs, not to mention whatever lovely purchases I happened to make.

So…as I said, yesterday, I needed to go to Target; 2 kids, both having had their milk, and pottytime done. I had a short list. I got great parking and found a basket nearby. I was pretty happy with how things were going…until…Why do I always pick the worst lines?!? I got in a line that didn’t move. The checker, a super-friendly young guy, was making pleasant conversation with the couple who was taking serious time making some sort of 12-step purchase. I think they were paying with different methods or something. I don’t know what was going on, but there were some foreign phrases popping up on the register. There were still 2 people between me and them. After 5 minutes of not moving, I lost my patience. L I moved quickly to another line, which I had passed up 5 minutes before. That line was now not moving and another friendly checker was calmly, slowly ringing up the woman in front of the woman in front of me. Ugh!! Don’t they know people are waiting here?!? Gosh, looking back, I can’t believe the state I was in. It’s funny to me: when people are rude, I get upset and wonder about the state of the world. But when I’m in a hurry, I get impatient and annoyed that people are being so nice as to take such time with customers. Goodness, gracious- people can’t win! Sorry, God. Anyway, the checker in the next line moved into position. I asked if she was opening and she said she was. I moved yet again, she rang me up and I was good to go. As we made for the door, it all hit me. I was being impatient because I was anxious about my kids. Linc was about 20 minutes past naptime after a looooong morning of being up since 4:45, and Mariah needed to eat breakfast. Then I started feeling inadequate because everything had taken so long and doubting my judgment to go to Target at this time in the first place. Yaddah yaddah yaddah. Trap set, pitfall taken.

The Bible says in Psalm 22:3 (King James Version), “But thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel.” I have heard this many times- God inhabits the praises of His people. So I decided that to get out of the trap, I would sing. I opened my mouth and made up a little tune: “Patience is a virtue. So pray, Mama pray, Mama pra-ay-ay!” God spoke through my sweet little daughter, who smiled and said, “Again?” I sang it again. She asked again. And again…literally until we were halfway home. Now it was my turn to smile. My impatience had gone away, as God softened my heart. He was there. I sang, He came.

I can get so twisted up in a matter of seconds. Things didn’t go the way I’d planned, or something unexpected came up and I didn’t perfectly adapt. But when I am willing to stop and see that I’ve really gone off track in my heart and mind, that’s when I get the choice to press the Restart Button. That’s when I can look to God for help, and know that He will give it. That’s when I can cry out to Him, in song, or with tears…or both. It’s hard sometimes, getting through the minutiae of life and keeping the important things in focus.

“Blessed are those whose help is God,
    whose hope is in the Lord their God.

He is the Maker of heaven and earth,
    the sea, and everything in them—
    he remains faithful forever.”

Psalm 146:5-6

So as you go through your day today, remember that the One who created the very world you are trying so hard to make an impact in is on your side. He will be your help if you make Him your hope. And He remains faithful forever.

Hang in there, Mama!!!

 

 

Here's Mariah at 20 months, ever the reminder and inspiration to me.